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Bienenkönigin


In the wee sma's of insomnia

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Yes, and so, an update.
Things don't often turn out the way you might expect.
My grandmother did pass. I hope she's with my grandfather, and happy.
At least she has no more pain. No...she passed that on to me.
Spinal Stenosis.
SI joint dysfunction.
Degenerative Disc Disease. Six discs.
Lumbar arthritis.
Had my MRI and a panic attack too. Valium doesn't work on me.
Now I'm on Percocet and muscle relaxers until surgery.
Seeing one of the best back doctors in Nevada.
Lightening storm last week...saw 3 hours of it.
Thank you, Insomnia.
Feel 71 instead of 31.
Sickening feeling when I heard about the air show.
Imagine such quickness of loss. Boom, and you're gone.
So I go outside in the cool night air, have a ciggy, and breathe in Life.
I love my life.
I love Life.
I Love.
Yes, and thank you John Lennon.
Love is all you need.
Current Mood:
content content
Current Music:
Portishead in my head
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On September 18th, 2011 11:46 am (UTC), covalence commented:
Pain
I was suffering from my back pain for years .. so I kinda know what your going through .. a little bit anyway .. I was taking allot of Vicodin .. but I started to see a Chiropractor and have been drug free for a few months .. it helped with my Depression so much with the help of my Doctor I have started to come off them .. I hope you feel better .. I'll do some meditating today and send you warm healing pain free thoughts I hope they make a difference. *hug* *kiss* Hope all is well in your neck of the woods besides the pain .. Love Me!
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On September 20th, 2011 08:37 am (UTC), faeriequeen replied:
Re: Pain
Oh I forgot to say Thank you for the warm healing painfree thoughts. I know about Vicodin. And quite a few others. I'm glad you were able to get at least some freedom from it. I hope after my back stuff I will too. You know what your happy thoughts did help they made me smile and remember how kind you always were, and are. You give great hugs too! I'll send some happy thoughts back your way. I can't say how very glad I am we are back in touch. Do you know what? It's been so long but I remember you did smell like strawberries in the sun. Such a comforting, golden thing. Aww balls now I'm gonna cry again. I wish I could hug you tight but since I can't I'll send a kiss blowing on the breeze.
Hope you catch it!
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On September 18th, 2011 01:18 pm (UTC), ginnygoblin commented:
Holy hell, but we have the exact same backs. Seriously, everything you wrote there is exactly what I have.

I have been dealing with mine off and on for more than 10 years now and each time I have a new MRI, I find out that I have another degenerated disc. I am also up to six now.

The difference, it seems, is that my pain is not constant, despite several pinched nerves. At least not at this point. When it's there, oh it's reallyREALLY there, but when it's not it's not. On a normal day I find that it only bothers me when I sit for a long period in uncomfortable seats like at a theater, or when I've worked out or walked a great deal and I get leg aches and some weakness in the leg, but that's it. At least, most of the time. When it flares I am barely able to stand, and certainly not straight. Sitting is hell and bending impossible. It flattens me when it flares. I miss work, school... if yours is with you constantly, I am so sorry. It's a lot to deal with constantly, and with no breaks. I am so, so sorry that yours is effecting you so terribly and that you'll have to move on to the surgery. The prospect of that surgery is frightening, I know. I'm wishing you the best and sending happy back vibes your way.

My grandmother also passed away this year. Less than two months ago now... That she may finally be with my grandfather, her true love, after all these years is something she wanted so very much. To think of the two of them together again is pure and utter happiness. I wish the same for your grandparents.

Should you need anyone to talk to, about backs and grandmothers especially, know that I'm here.
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On September 19th, 2011 04:08 am (UTC), faeriequeen replied:
Aww dammit see you made me cry. I miss my Granna so much it feels like my right arm has been cut off. She left me this past April, after turning 91. I'd like to say she had a long happy life, but the truth of it is, that after my grandaddy died back in '73 she just had a long life. AND to add insult to injury she was in extreme pain for the last 10 years. She would swallow Oxycontin like they were sweet tarts. I ache for her, a very real pain...she was my best friend, my kindred. She had the same type of back problems you and I do...and I'm pretty sure that's where I got quite a bit of it. I just can't think of her w/o crying now. We were co-conspirators, especially with books, our mutual passion for Colin Firth, and our love of Nick at Night throwbacks.

But, the last time I saw her I was fortunate that she was lucid and knew I was there. She squeezed my hand and told me I was beautiful. She was in the awful hospital where I had my son called David Grant Medical Center. I felt like a zombie with those awful maroon walls, leaving and knowing I would never see her again. God, now I'm bawling.
Thank you, honey. It makes me feel better just to know you understand, about everything.
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On September 19th, 2011 12:51 pm (UTC), ginnygoblin replied:
Sorry to have made you cry, but you very much returned the favor! My grandmother and I were also very, very close. She was 95... We moved her to Dallas abotu 5 years ago (upon her request) to be near my Uncle and it was so hard not to have her around even then. I flew out there every year, though, and was able to visit and spend time with her. This year, though, it was decided for me that I shouldn't go because I'd just had foot surgery. She died around the same time I would have been out there. I feel such guilt, and such aching for missing the last chance to hold her hand and to hear her call me "her best grandbaby". Truth is, though, she had been in such pain for years and things were only getting worse. She was no longer able to stand much, and the indignities of living that way in a nursing home must have been completely horrible. She had been saying in recent years, "food comes with an expiration date. People should too." She was really so very ready to go... but I can't say I was quite there with her yet. I miss her tremendously and keep thinking of questions I want to ask her! I ache for the same stories I've heard a thousand times, and... mostly I ache for the comfort of her cool and calming hands.

Okay, at work now, so must stop before I begin really boohooing at my desk. But yes, grandmothers... We were both so lucky to have them for so long. We must remind ourselves of this and all of the other wonderments that went along with their lives...
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On September 20th, 2011 08:41 am (UTC), faeriequeen replied:
While I'm crying I might as well write you back. Thank you for writing me it really does help to know you understand. I have to stop wishing her back because she is happy, now that she's where she wanted to be for so long, with her husband. At least my mom took care of her. I'm glad it's nighttime cuz here I go with my bawling.
Thank you honey.
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